so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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