That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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