This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
