Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
