Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just gargled with NyQuil
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
