I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I would ride that face into the sunset
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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