Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
