no, he came in my armpit
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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