I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
