Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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