me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Everyone says I win the strip club
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
