do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
