Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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