The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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