Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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