I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
