We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
