Your dad touched me again.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
