I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
