I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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