DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
