Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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