I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
