There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
