Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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