Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
