just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
