im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
