Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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