Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
