I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I had to cum in my sink.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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