Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
