i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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