Pants 0. Shit 1.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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