Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
