So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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