After last night, I could never be a politician.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
In America we eat man semen.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
