When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
