a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
