My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
