She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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