Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Someone signed my nipple.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
