the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
