Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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