You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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