Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
