i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My feet surprised me
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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