Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
