Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
