how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
