Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
