guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
