Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
