im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
