My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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