I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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