please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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