My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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