I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
