I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
