Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
