just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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