How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
