You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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