So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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