I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
