in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
