who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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